Conversations from my Classroom

Happy President's Day!

2011-02-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

The downfalls of standardized testing...

2011-02-18T10:58:00.000-08:00

Student: "Mrs. G, when we get inside from recess will we have more testes?"

Teacher: "It's 'tests', not 'testes'. Yes, we will have more tests."

Student: "Good! I love testes!"

Teacher-"TESTS! It's TESTS not TESTES!"

O.M.G.

Favorite Subject

2011-02-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

What is your favorite subject in school? I like math. I hope some of you like math!

*random shouting out answers*--however, I heard this one plain and clear.

"My favorite subject is going home!"

You're Fired!

2010-11-19T13:04:00.000-08:00

At the end of a particularly rough day, where many, if not all children were in trouble for one thing or another- I said to the students:

"You know kids, that your job here at school is to learn, do your classwork and behave yourself. You have not been doing your job to the best of your abilities lately. I'm sorry to say, but if you were a grown up, in a grown up job, and I was your boss, I'd have to fire you. Come to think of it, you have jobs in the classroom (cleaning, etc) and since my room looks a mess, it appears that none of you have been doing your jobs this week, so you are all fired."

A student raises his hand...

"Mrs. Gumm, when you get fired from a job, you don't have to come back anymore, right?"

I could not stop laughing. He didn't know what was so funny.

Bellyache Shenanigans

2010-11-17T08:43:00.000-08:00

S: "Mrs. Gumm, I have a belly ache."

T: "Do you think you're going to throw up?"

*minor panic at the thought of a child who is not mine puking on my shoes/shirt/anything*

S: "No I just missed breakfast and I think I am hungry."

T: "Well, you're in luck, lunch starts in ten minutes."

S: "I don't think I can waaaaaaaiiiiittttt that long. Why don't you give me some of those M&M's you have in your desk to hold me over until lunch?"

T: "I don't think so."

You're not fooling me, buddy.

The best day ever...

2010-11-11T10:27:00.001-08:00

We've been learning about place value, using the smart board. Apparently, place value has a fan.

Communities

2010-10-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

In Social Science one of the vocabulary words that we have to learn for the first 9 weeks is "Communities"

While this seems like a word that should be easy to remember, but usually it's a challenge. We talk about how a community is anywhere that people live, work, play or go to school. Because there are so many types of communities, my early childhood students have difficulty understanding it.

So today I had them draw a picture of a community and describe it to me, I figured if they could explain their picture to me and it was at least a portion of the definition, then they were on the right track.

Here is a conversation that happened in front of my student teacher today and neither of us could keep a straight face. (and neither could the kids)

T: "Tell me about your picture." (the classic way to say 'I have no idea what this is' to a child)

S:"Its a picture of a community!"

T:"Describe it to me." (I still don't see the picture for all its artistic glory...)

S: "Mrs. G, I drew the ghetto! That's a neighborhood and a community! I don't live there though, but some people do. They don't have jobs."

T: "yes, it is a community." (check mark in the gradebook for her!)

Chicka wow wow

2010-10-14T08:53:00.001-07:00

S- "Teacher, I've been to a farm before."

T-"yeah? What was your favorite animal?"

S-"I like the chicka wow wow!"

T-"Oh, you like baby chicks?"

S-"No. The chicka wow wow. It was so cool. It was really cute, too."

T-"Tell me about this chicka wow wow. I don't think I know what they are."

S-"Its a dog, with pointy ears and big eyes, teacher. Ya know like 'yo quiero Taco Bell!' "

Chihuahua=Chicka wow wow= farm animal

SMH

Clarification at its best

2010-09-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

Student in centers: "B!t$%, you feel me?" *stomps feet*

Teacher:"Excuse me? Get over here RIGHT NOW"

*student sheepishly walks over to me*

(my mind is racing, like, 'great, now I have to call this parent and tell this story'.)

Teacher: "Do you want to explain to me what I just heard?"

Student whispers: "sfdsdjfhdksjhfksj"

Teacher: "huh?!"

Student: "Big stomping feet"

(I call over the other student)

Teacher: "What did he say to you?"

Student #2: "Big stomping feet."

Teacher: "ok." (turns to student #1) "please dont shout in my class"

I must really need my ears checked. I could have SWORN he said something else.

Sleepover Party!

2010-09-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

"Mrs. G, we had a sleepover party last night!"

"On a school night, wow! Your mom is cooler than my mom ever was!"

"Yep, she sure is!"

"So, who did you get to have a sleepover party with?"

"My mommy's friend, because we had POOP water in our basement. It was GRRROOOOSSSS!"

"Oh, so the sewer backed up?"

"I guess so, it just STINKS! Good thing the plumber is coming today"

1st day of school

2010-09-07T17:56:00.000-07:00

I know you all have missed my posts! I promise this year to try to keep up with this blog.

Today was the 1st day of school and I already have something to put up. It's not ROFL funny, but still made me giggle. I'm sure the little gal's daddy would appreciate this story.

Everyone remembers the 1st day of school, where the teacher goes over the rules, procedures, etc. of school. Well during a lesson about self control, manners, and proper behavior at school this conversation started:

S: Mrs. Gumm, my daddy would never make it in this class.

T: Why's that?

(*slightly concerned that I said something that confused her*)

S: Because he has no self control. He'd be all over the room, burping in people's faces, being silly. I promise you he has NO self control. My mom, she would be fine, she'd follow the rules, but no way, not MY dad!

T: I met your dad the other day, he seems perfectly nice and he totally seemed to have self control that day.

S: That's because my mom was there, she makes sure he behaves in public.

I love my job. It's going to be a great year!

Streaking

2010-06-18T05:02:00.000-07:00

Random question of the day:

Student A: "Mrs. G, do you think I could run a marathon naked?"

*thinking, hmm, how should I answer this one*

Me:"Well, running a marathon is hard work..."

Student A:"yea, I'd probably get burned in bad places"

Student B:"you'd probably get arrested if you tried!"

Student A:"can you really get arrested for running naked? Man, that sucks. Maybe I'll do a 5K or something instead."

Imma be real good

2010-06-18T04:57:00.000-07:00

Any teacher can tell you that the last month of school is challenging behavior-wise, especially when we go to school for SOOOO long. (JUNE 22 is the last day!?!?!)

So after some pleading (okay, FUSSING) at the kids to please remember we are still in school and to listen and follow directions....

"Hey everyone! Imma be really good today, because I want to go to Heaven"

I told his mother what he said and she said "Whatever works at this point."

It's gettin' HOT in Heeerrreee

2010-05-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

It's 90+ degrees here in VA and the AC here at school is on the fritz. This has NOT gone unnoticed in 1st grade.

1st conversation:

*student singing*

"It's gettin' HOT in heerrre, so take off all your clothes"

Another student-"please don't, Lord knows you haven't had a bath this week"

1st student- "hey!! hahahahahaha"

Teacher-*shaking my head*

2nd conversation-

"I'm frying like bacon in my desk!"

I think it's time to go outside where at least the breeze is blowing and its 10 degrees cooler in the shade than it is in this room.

Happy Memorial Day! Stay safe!

And Congrats to my sister-in-law for graduating medical school this weekend. Great Job, Dr. Gumm!

You learn a new word everyday, especially in MY class.

2010-05-25T15:56:00.000-07:00

Two students were bickering in the corner of the room- not sure what it was about, exactly, but this is how it ended.

Student: "I am so tired of your Monkeyass in my face all the time!!!!!!"

The entire class freezes with their mouths open...

Me: "You can't say that, honey!"

*laughing on the inside*

Student: "Say what? Monkeyass? That's not a bad word"

Me (and the whole class): "Yes it is!"

Student: "Monkeyass is not a bad word. My mom calls me Monkeyass all the time."

*my entire class is gasping in shock*

Me: *thinking: OMG! STOP SAYING IT*

Me: "_____ you can not say that word at school. Please stop"

Student: "Fine, if you don't want me to say Monkeyass I won't, I just don't understand."

Me: "Monkey is not a bad word its the second word you are saying that I don't want you to say"

Student: "oh- I didn't know. But he was being one."

Then I put my face in my hands to hide the fact that I was laughing my 'Monkeyass' off and the tears rolling down my face.

OMG! Now my whole class had a REAL vocabulary lesson today. The emails and phone calls I get tomorrow (tonight) should be real fun. *sigh*

Immigration

2010-05-18T06:44:00.001-07:00

I'd say someone has been watching Fox News lately...

REALLY?

2010-05-18T06:12:00.001-07:00

I mean, really?

I know its hard to see, but it says

"what simple machine do you see in this picture?"

the student picked "D. Telephone"

It's scissors.

I think someone is ready for summer.

today's little bit of love

2010-05-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

This made me smile today, so I thought I'd share.

Translation: I love school. It is fun. I love her, she is nice. Mrs. Gumm is mean sometimes but to me she is nice. Without her I will cry because I want her I do not want a substitute. Mrs. Gumm is nice he bought flowers for Mrs. Gumm. Mrs. Gumm loves Mr. Gumm.

Well, I don't think I am mean, but I am not easy on them either. I just want them to do their best.Guess I am doing something right? Stuff like this and the letters I got from parents on Teacher Appreciation week mean way more to me than my yearly evaluation. :)

Dear Teacher,

2010-05-10T16:44:00.000-07:00

Translation: "_____ likes to wear dirty underwear. Which is very stinky. PEE YOU! Mrs. Gumm, go put a diaper on him."

This note was on my desk this morning followed by a request to move seats. These kids make me laugh ALL DAY LONG. I swear I have the best job ever.

I will really miss these kids next year :/

2010-05-10T16:40:00.001-07:00

I mean, I can't wait for summer, but this class is pretty special. They must have sensed I had a crappy day yesterday, they always know how to make me smile.

wowie wowie wow!

2010-04-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

At school this week we had a big ceremony for our outdoor classroom and garden groundbreaking. During which the awesome, incredible and always above and beyond PTA and committee members had this stage put up outside for our guest speakers.

pretty official looking, right?

Upon sitting down in front of the stage, my students were highly impressed by it and started having discussions about who was going to 'perform'.

"Beyonce! I know it will be Beyonce! She likes gardens"

"Maybe it will be the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus."

Then we had the following suggestion...

"Wowie wowie wow! I bet you Michael Jackson is going to perform on that stage!"

This is when my entire class turned their heads at him and said practically in unison...

"It can't be HIM, he's DEAD!"

His response to his classmates-

"Well, Elvis is dead too and people see him all the time"

oh yeah....

Conclusion- No one 'performed', but the outdoor classroom and garden is going to be pretty freaking amazing. And I know a 1st grade teacher who is pretty impressed that her kids even knew who Elvis was.

Callapitter

2010-04-22T17:58:00.001-07:00

Outside at recess, students have been nonstop picking up caterpillars and bringing them to me, then asking to place them in the school garden. “So they will not get stepped on at recess and can eat the veggies in the garden”

S-“Ms. G! I found a tiny green callapitter!”

T- “A what?”

S-“A callapitter! look!” *shoves tiny green caterpillar in my face*

T-“Its a ‘cat-er-pill-er’… say that with me ‘cat-er-pill-er’” *he says nothing*

S-“… yeah, that… a cal-la-pitt-er, thats ‘zactly what I said. CHECK HIM OUT!”

he now resides in the herb garden at school

I believe I can fly…

2010-04-22T17:28:00.001-07:00

Topic of discussion:

“If you could fly anywhere, anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

S- I would go to Japan!

T- Japan sounds great! What makes you want to go to Japan?

S- *thinking*… You know what? Nevermind. I’d just go to Toys R Us.

My first kiss

2010-04-22T17:23:00.001-07:00

A local sports team mascot leans over to a little girl and pretends to kiss her. Her response to the teacher…

S-“Teacher! That was my first kiss”

T-“oh how exciting!”

S-“well, not really, I always imagined it in castle.” *sighs*

don’t we all, sweetie.

Order in the Court!

2010-04-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

So, first I must give you a little background. This is first grade, for those who do not know already. We have been learning the basics of economics- needs and wants, how you have to earn money to buy things, and how you have to save for things you can not afford. Also, over spring break I am required (school policy) to give a 'homework packet' filled with review items for students to go over during the break. Because the 1st grade team feels the need to reward students for doing this work over their break, we said we'd give ice cream to all kids who turned it in.

I purposely bought enough ice cream for all the students because I feel crummy only giving it to some students when it might not be their fault they didn't get the packet done. In the past students haven't noticed that I just give it to everyone. Not so much this year.

S-"hey! So In So didn't do a packet, Mrs.G. You can't give him one"

T-"well I have enough for everyone, if those who did their packets don't mind sharing."

S-"oh but YES we DO mind, don't we everyone? You can't get something for free. You have to EARN it."

S-"Yeah Mrs. G if you give everyone ice cream you are teaching them they don't have to work for things to get them"

S-"if they WANTED ice cream so bad they should have done their work"

T-"hey hey guys... You are right, they should have done the work, but I don't want to waste the ice cream, and I have enough. Let's take a vote, ok?"

Students vote and its 5-5.

The ones who said 'yes, lets share with them- its just ice cream' have the argument that 'they don't mind sharing' and they 'don't want anyone to feel left out' and 'it might not be their fault they didn't get it done, it might be their parents fault'.

The ones who said 'no way, they didn't earn it and we did the work and they didn't' have the argument that 'its not fair and they did the work and I should teach them a lesson'. One child actually said in response to the argument that the 'nonworkers' can't use the excuse their parents couldn't help them because "ya'll are some smart kids, you should have just openedup the packet and done it yourselves."

This argument got very heated and I had to pass a talking stick and have students come up and present their 'cases' to the class for why or why not EVERYONE should get ice cream.

To which my little sweet girl who's parents are attorneys interrupted each and every case that was against what she wanted with an "I HAVE AN OBJECTION!"

After all the cases were presented the vote was swayed 3-7 in favor of everyone getting ice cream. (I only let the kids who did their homework vote) So, everyone got ice cream, much to the dismay of 3 very, very smart little girls.

Honestly, they were right, I shouldn't give it to kids who didn't follow through with their part, but:

1. they are little kids, some do not understand.

2. some of them DO need help with homework and can not help it if their parents do not want to help them or are unable to

3. some of them are passed around from sitter to sitter on Spring break because 'newsflash' their parents still have to work even though their child is off from school.

So...it really isn't fair in my opinion to give them homework over spring break. But I have to do what I am told. Thus, everyone gets ice cream, simply because I love them. The End.

2010-04-13T16:49:00.001-07:00

While having a discussion about whether or not you 'need' clothing to survive:

"Ya know what Mrs. G? I hope I NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER have to see a boy naked. Boys are so GROSS!!!!!!!!!"

If I had 3 wishes...

2010-03-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

Sounds to me like someone's parents have been talking about all the budget cuts the state of VA is making to education.

I think we need a new governor too.

Spring Breaaaaak

2010-03-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

First thing this morning as little N walked in the room.

T- "Good Morning, N!"

S- "Is it Spring Break after today?"

T- "No, Honey we have one more week before Spring Break. Sorry."

S- "OHHHH... NOOOOO.. I CAN'T. WAIT. THAT. LONG."
*She falls to her knees like she is in pain, clutching her chest*

T- "Me either, baby, me either."

S- "No you don't understand. I really, really can't wait that long. I NEED a break from school."

T- "Trust me baby. I DO understand."

At least I know I am not alone. lol!

Stop Talking!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

With all the chitter chatter going on constantly this lovely Spring, I had a momentary "FREAKOUT" where I told them not speak another word or sound while doing their work or... or... or... ELSE!
A student says to me...

"Mrs. G I know I am not allowed to talk right now, but I got to ask you something"

*trying NOT to roll eyes* because this is probably a question I have answered AT LEAST TWICE in the last 3 minutes.....

"yes?"

"Can {May} I think in my head, quietly, instead of talking?"

...

...

"sure."

If only the rest of them would 'think quietly in their heads' more often, my head would hurt less. Ahhh Spring is here.

An American History Lesson that I never learned.

2010-03-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

until today...

Translation: "George Washington was in a WAR. He was the first president."

Rest assured I did not teach her that. Rest assured that I did teach her that Ole GW fought in a war. :-)

prickly little things.

2010-03-09T16:38:00.000-08:00

At recess today...

S- Teacher, can me and her play 'porcupines'?

T- (wondering exactly how one would play 'porcupines' and thinking this may be a trick) I don't know, how exactly does someone play 'porcupines'?

S- Well... we could just be nice porcupines and not prick anyone or anything. Would it be okay if we played 'porcupines' but promised to be nice?

T-Yes. You may play 'porcupines' but you have to promise to be nice porcupines.

Totally forgot I had this one

2010-03-07T18:53:00.000-08:00

I love my job.

and they called it puppy love...

2010-03-04T20:29:00.000-08:00

I am rather impressed with her poetry skills. Not too shabby for 1st grade... just saying.

Tell me what you think...

2010-03-02T12:59:00.001-08:00

"Mrs. G, I made a picture of you!"

T- "this is me?"

S- yep!

Now, I know some of you don't know what I look like, but yeah, I don't look like this guy.

I'm the first person to say 'don't knock a kid's drawing', but I have a sneaky suspicion this is a picture of someone else.

I also think it was given to me with ulterior motives...since the artist is concerned I will be calling his parents this evening.

I am very curious how one grows rainbows from their armpits...

Not quite myself

2010-03-02T12:55:00.000-08:00

T- "Whats the matter, baby? You don't look like you're very happy."

S-"I'm not feeling much like myself."

T-"I'm sorry. I hope your day gets better."

S-"You know, now that I think about it, even my shadow doesn't quite look like myself."

Recess Time Football

2010-02-23T15:46:00.000-08:00

***it is a rule in my world that 1st graders are not allowed to play football at recess, this is due to the fact that
1. they do not know how to play fairly/safely
2. 3rd graders, who are HUGE share recess time with us
3. I don't want to be responsible for any injuries/listen to arguments/deal with muddy clothing***

So here goes...

Football

S- Mrs. G!! You should see how AWESOME I am at football.

T-I bet, but you know you are not allowed to play football at school, so I guess I'd have to see you play somewhere else.

***(This is my way of reminding him he is not allowed to play and that no matter how AWESOME he is, I won't bend on the rule just to see him play.)***

S-Oh I know, I know. But you see I just made this UH-MAZE-ING play!!! WahOOOO!

*spins around*

T- How did you make an UH-MAZE-ING play just now if you aren't supposed to be playing football?

***insert stern teacher face, because you are SO BUSTED***

S-Ah... Mrs. G, we are playing INVISIBLE FOOTBALL!! Watch this!!!

*takes off running*

I'll say, the kid is pretty bright.

Now the rules are, you MAY play "invisible football", but there is no tackling.

*sigh*

More writing samples...

2010-02-22T10:17:00.000-08:00

No pictures this time- since they are samples that other teachers shared with me...

"I want to see your bod."

(I want to see your {surf} board.)

"I wish I had a man."

(I wish I had a mom.)

ahhhhh... *teardrop*

"I love you and I lick you."

(I love you and I like you.)

You know you need a day off when...

2010-02-22T10:13:00.000-08:00

*Names have been changed*

T-You really need to behave for your teacher, Johnny. I am tired of seeing you in trouble everyday. Please stop giving her grief.

S-I'm the other one.

T-What do you mean the other one?

S-The other one who gives her 'beef'. I am *Bob.

T-Oh, well you too.

(and yes, he said 'beef') I didn't realize I had anyone giving me beef. Grief, yes, but beef, no.

4th best day of my life

2010-02-18T10:51:00.000-08:00

S- This the 4th best day of my life!

T- Why is it the 4th?

S- Because it wasn't as fun as the other 3 best days.

The 4th best day....duh, teach.

To be loved so much...

2010-02-17T06:59:00.001-08:00

At least someone thinks so...

You should...

2010-02-17T06:52:00.001-08:00

The journal topic for today was "You should...". In retrospect, not the best topic for Ash Wednesday.

I'm kind of a big deal

2010-02-17T06:51:00.000-08:00

S- "Mrs. G, I am almost famous, you know."

Me-"really, how come? What did you do?"

S-"I am a dancer. I dance really awesome. And...I live in a shiny house. Ka-CHOW!!"

*student dances all around the room*

Me-"How does that make you famous?"

S-"Mrs. G, look at ME! I am SO famous and in your class, I can't believe you don't know this!"

Pure Innocence

2010-02-17T06:47:00.000-08:00

So today I was teaching a lesson on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and about part way through the conversation started to go like this:

Student: Mrs. G I'm not sure I get something.

Me: What's that?

Student: well, I don't really know what you all are talking about when you say 'white people' and 'black people'. What does that mean?

Me: Well, they are talking about the color of people's skin. See my skin and your skin, we are considered 'white' and 'student a' and 'student b', their skin, they are considered 'black'. It doesn't mean our skin is really 'white' or 'black', people just call it that color. Its actually more of a 'peach' and 'brown' color.

Student: I dont understand.

Me: What don't you understand?

Student: I dont think I know why it has to be 'white' or 'black'. I mean, nobody's skin is the same color and really who cares what color your skin is. We is all people, right?

Me: right. *smiling and thinking about how much more I LOVE this kid after this conversation*

Student: What a stupid thing to care about. I just don't get it. *shakes his head in disbelief*

How sweet and innocent is that? I love little kids so much. I love pure, sweet, innocence.

We're getting closer ya'll...

Bacon Houses

2010-02-17T06:45:00.000-08:00

Student: When I grow up I want to be on the SWAT team!

Teacher: Oh, that's interesting, tell me why you want to be on the swat team. Sounds like a sorta dangerous job..

Student: I want to be on the SWAT team so that I can break into bacon houses and catch bad guys.

Teacher: bacon houses?

Student: Yea, you know, houses that are empty and stuff. People hide there.

Teacher: Oh, you mean vacant houses?

Student: No, bacon houses.oh ok... :-)

They do exist!!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2010-02-17T06:42:00.000-08:00

Teacher: Will you take this next door to Ms. E? *hands student a book*

Student: I don't know who that is. Wait, is she the ones who colors her hair orange?

Teacher: yes, that's her, but she doesn't color her hair orange, that's the color she was born with.Student: *laughs* ...you so silly Mrs. G

Teacher: Why?

Student: Because everyone knows that everybody is born with brown hair.

Teacher: That's not true, now, if you have brown skin you are probably going to be born with brown hair. But if you have white skin like me and Ms. E, you could be born with blonde hair, brown hair, orange hair, all different colors.

Student: wait... *pauses* ...so, you are saying that you and Ms. E are white people?

Teacher: yes, see my skin, I am a white person, it looks like Ms. E's skin, she is a white person too.

Student: *laughs* you are the silliest teacher I know Mrs. G. You can't be a white person

Teacher: and why not?

Student: because you nice.*stares at me perplexed*